Teacher #2: Royal Blue; Because Its Whats Inside That Counts

My Royal and I pre Surgery

Royal Blue
I was given Royal the Autumn before I lost Cajun.  He had just turned 4 and had come off the track with an injury that necessitated stall rest. He was at my then farriers barn, and after 3 months off I was asked if I would take him.  He seemed sound now, and he was free.  I was told he was extremely quiet but, ugly.  Maybe I could sell him down the road as a kids horse?  I agreed to take him, and he was delivered to my farm on a cool fall day.  He stepped off the trailer and I fell in love.

Why?  I have no idea.  He was little, maybe 15 hands at the wither?  He was all angles and points- 3 months spent on stall rest had shrunk his muscles and left his already small physique looking wasted. He had no topline, so his neck looked upside down and impossibly short.  He had this incredibly long, low back and sky-high withers that made him look like a 30 year old rescue.  And he was plain brown, all dull and dusty, with only a smudge of white on his forehead.  And grumpy!! He may have been quiet, but he stood with his ears pinned and his nose wrinkled like he had just bitten into a lemon.  Oh and he cribbed! Man did that horse crib!!

But those eyes! Something in those deep black eyes just got to me.  I knew within seconds of meeting his eyes that this was something special.  I also had an inkling when I put him into his stall one day, and he was in a rush to escape the cold. He tried to push past me in the doorway and I asked him to stop, back up and wait.  He tossed his beautiful little head at me and began to PIAFFE on the spot right there!  Not a tense western jog you sometimes see people brag about and think "um...Do you get what a piaffe is??" no, no my friends! He arched his neck, tucked his bum and piaffed.  And he met my eye and seemed to say "See? I'm pretty special, don't let this exterior fool you."

I took Royal to the barn I was leasing and began training him.  Right from the get go he was fun.  He had all the ex-racehorse issues that are normal- he liked to lean on the bit, his neck was stiff like a board, and bending?? Ha! Whats that??  He also had something I have come to realize is far more important then anything else; he had brains and heart.  He tried everything I asked of him, and he tried his heart out.  Slowly he began to lengthen his neck out and reach into the contact.  He began to bend.  He had a MASSIVE trot.  He may have stood 15 hands but he trotted like he was 17 hands, and man you better be ready for it because it took skill to ride.  His canter...Oh it was delightful, still one of the best I ever rode.  One day after a particularly good ride I got off and hugged him around his now muscular neck.  Instead of grumpy faces I now got nuzzled and with tears in my eyes I said to him "I promise I will always take care of you.  You will always be mine.  I will do anything for you, you are a gift".  I don't know why I said it, I honestly just blurted it out.  But those words would come to mean so much to me.

Royal improved at a steady pace.  He was my steady eddy, my guy I could ride through anything, very uncomplicated and very different from Cajun.  But he had his own quirks.  He continued to crib like a pro.  He also hated the extreme cold and the extreme heat, and bugs.  He would have been perfectly content living inside all the time.  He didn't particularly like other horses either.  He preferred to be left alone, and I often let him wander from paddock to paddock as he liked.  A good 6 months into training I began to notice some problems, a pattern really and I couldn't figure out what it meant.  My first ride of the week went awesome, my second went ok, but he was a little stiffer, and my 3rd ride was not good at all.  After a day off it started over until the 3rd ride when he was stiff, grumpy and his rhythm was all weird.  Something was up.  But he was sound on the lunge, the vet and farrier could see nothing, and after a saddle fitting appointment, his tack all fit well.  I analyzed video of my rides, I had people watch me work him, and I tried different techniques.  One day I did more stretchy work, one day I rode him up, and I even tried a half seat at canter.  The pattern not only continued, but slowly got worse.  Other things were popping up to.  Always a sensitive little guy, he occasionally got tummy aches when the weather changed, or when the bugs were bad.  But it was always mild, and he got over it quick.  But it began to happen more frequently and he often seemed genuinely uncomfortable.  I knew something was up but was at a loss.

Our second year together brought many changes.  I had lost Cajun, and had moved to a different leased barn.  Royal had made Cajuns passing bearable, giving me something to love and focus on. But as Spring turned to Summer Royals condition deteriorated.  He coliced more often, and my good rides were happening less frequently.  His bad rides were now full of resistance, his tail swishing and he was beginning to refuse to do things he always found easy. He felt lame and I felt lost.  The vet could find nothing wrong during a lameness exam, but later that day when I rode Royal he was off again.  Was it me?? Was it my training?  Finally during one ride the answer came out.  I asked Royal to trot and after 3 steps he bucked.  Hard.  Royal NEVER did that.  I jumped off, completely stunned, only to have Royal stretch out, and pee.  Blood.  Pure blood.

It took a urine test and 2 ultrasounds to realize that Royal had a massive bladder stone.  It would bounce around in his bladder when he was ridden gradually causing him pain.  As it grew, it took less time to cause him injury.  By now he was very ill, colicking daily and not wanting to move at all. The only cure was surgery in a city more then 8 hours away and costing several thousand dollars. What could I do?  I had promised him. I had to do this for him, he had given me so much.  Thankfully my parents decided to help me out, and I sent my sick little baby off for surgery. By the time he left he was so miserable I was scared he wasn't going to make it.

But he did.  And he came home to me 3 weeks later.  It took a few months for him to fully recover but he did that too.  He was like a new horse!  I rode him regularly, and his training progressed like never before.  He started canter half pass on my front lawn 8 months after his surgery, we played with canter pirouettes, and we even worked on piaffe half steps.  The only trouble he had was with the flying changes to the left- the side his massive scar was on.  The surgeon warned me about scar tissue and how it could interfere with his movement at some point.  Still he did them, we eventually even got 3 tempis and could do canter zig zags with changes. I just had to really set him up for them and he was sometimes a bit late.  He was such a beauty with his muscular topline and his brilliant red coat. He still had his high withers and his long back but I thought he was stunning.

I cannot describe those rides to you.  He felt huge, 17 hands as we flew around on the grass in my front yard. I just thought things and he did them.  He made me feel special, light as a feather and floating on a cloud. It all sounds cliche, but it was so true.  I often had tears in my eyes, loving every minute of being with him. I could feel his happiness, and he could feel mine.  I loved seeing him every morning and hugging him goodnight at the end of the day.

I lost him 2 years ago this spring.  He coliced, and it was bad right from the start.  He threw himself down so hard his head began to swell. I had to end it, end his pain. The vets think he had so much scar tissue it broke off and obstructed his intestine.  He was 15.

I remember one time after his surgery I took my Royal Blue to a clinic.  Leading him into the arena the clinician saw his long back and high hip and began to discuss how limited he would be.  As I tightened the girth and climbed aboard I thought I could see Royal smirk as he looked at me.  "Who is this guy?? Who does he think he is?" he almost seemed to say.  I warmed up Royal and began to work, and suddenly the clinicians voice had stopped.  We worked thru Royals skills, he flowed around that arena giving it his all. The clinician called me over for a break and laughed. "I am so sorry!  This horse is not limited at all! What a cool horse!"  I swear Royal nodded.  See, I never let Royal know he was limited.  Who said he was?  Just because he wasn't perfect?  Because he wasn't a million dollar warmblood?  Royal knew exactly who he was, and that I believed in him and that made him unstoppable.

He taught me to never judge any horse by how they look, or what you think they can do.  Give any of them a chance and they will usually blow your door off.  Most horses are held back not by any physical ailments, although I know that is a reality for some.  No, most are held back by their riders focusing on their weakness, on what they are not instead of what they are.  Good training should improve the horse and keep it sound.  It should be something that strengthens them and lifts them up not wears them out.  Royal taught me that. I wasn't perfect, but neither was he.  It worked.

Royal and I at the only show I took him too. 

Royals death knocked the wind out of me.  I headed into a depression that lasted months, that sucked the joy out of me, and left me a grieving mess.  But slowly, God lead me out of it.  I struggled, but He understood my pain, and brought some amazing things into my life.  Royal was a gift from God.  And he was taken because he had taught me the lesson he was sent to teach me.  And it changed my life. I was given more gifts instead, not too replace Royal, but to remind me.  Life is not perfect, and it can hurt.  But only by feeling the hurt can we feel the joy as well.

The Teachers. Teacher #1: Cajun, The Human Whisperer

This post has been a long time coming, and I feel the need to explain why.  I have sat down to write it several times, but each time I closed up my laptop with the excuse that I had things to do, and that the summer was to short to sit in front of a computer screen.  I'm partially right.  This summer has been very busy, as summers usually are, filled with lessons, horses to ride and fun outdoor things to do. But there are always those rainy, stormy days and why didn't I use those days to continue the story? Well, because this part of the story is the more emotional section and I didn't know if I could take it. As happy as many of my experiences with my horses have been, the sad times-far fewer though they may be- have been life altering.  Do I really want to reopen those wounds??

I guess I do!  I feel the need to suddenly, so whilst the spirit moves me I figured I should get my butt in gear.  So the next few posts will be spent introducing the different horses in my life and their impact on me.  I'm not bringing up every horse I have ever met or worked with.  That probably would take all summer and who has the time?  Instead I am going to share with you the big ones, the ones that I owned and shared my life with and how they changed me.  I will go in a somewhat chronological order, although obviously some things will be skipped over.  My biggest motivation to rehash this is I want to set the stage for the blog posts I want to write next.  I want to eventually delve into my current training, the set up of my training farm now, and my future goals.  But this foundation needs to be laid first, so lets get started with my first teacher.

Cajun (aka: Mesmerized) 

Cajun was a tb mare I bought in my early twenties.  I had been leasing a older horse that I rode and trained to use to get my coaching certificate thru Equine Canada.  That accomplished, his owner informed me she was moving away and taking him with her.  I was happy for him as it meant a life of retirement, but now horse-less I knew I needed to find another project.  I found Cajun at a nearby barn where she was being sold to cover unpaid boarding bills. She was 12, very pretty, but had been left sitting in the field for 2 years.  Before that I was told she had been a low level hunter, used occasionally in lessons, and was quiet.  Perfect! She fit the bill, as I could train and show her to help grow and advertise my newly found teaching business and I could use her in lessons as well. A win-win! The day I tried her out was cold and snowy and I had to walk her to the neighbouring indoor arena.  She was a little jumpy and pushy, but hey, I thought, 2 years of doing nothing will do that to a girl. She was fairly steady under saddle despite the arena being dark and creaky, and the seller was willing to budge on the asking price (she had bills to pay!) so I went ahead and bought her.

It is always true that the worms really do come out after the rain.  The day I led Cajun into the barn I was working out of several boarders greeted me with "Ohhhh... You bought THAT Cajun..."  and sad little smiles.  The stories then came fast and hot. She was a terrible hunter, had taken to stopping (oh the horror!!).  Used in lessons?? HA! Not that spooky mess, she was a CHESTNUT mare for heavens sake.  I gulped and looked over at me new life partner with a bit less optimism.

It turned out they were mostly right.  Cajun was quirky.  She pulled back the SECOND you tied her up.  She spooked at everything.  Good luck getting her into a trailer! Even the sight of a jump in the arena made her toss her head and refuse to walk towards it.  The first month of my training her was all ground work.  I did manage to improve the tying situation, and she even began loading without a fight.  But man, she was spooky, even on the lunge! Anything would set her off, and even after you got her past something she may decide, 3 calmly executed circles later, that it was indeed trying to kill her again.  Under saddle her improvements where slow but steady.  She was a lovely mover with lots of energy, but touch the reins or ask her to bend? No thanks!  She threw her head up, and flung herself sideways. As I got better at anticipating the sideways action, she choose to go backwards, swinging her head side to side. I read books and magazines and watched videos and came to realize Cajun had issues with contact (from her past?) that affected her whole body.  I kept working at it, both on the ground and doing gentle exercises under saddle.  We improved enough to go to our first show that fall and ride a training level test.  Cajun held it together, and did pretty good, scoring in the low 60's and even getting a ribbon.  I was happy but I knew we needed to keep progressing to get past her issues.

Worrying that my youth, unsteadiness and inexperience was causing or encouraging the problems I decided to take some lessons with an instructor (I will call her Coach M) I had known since my early teens.  She wasn't a dressage coach per se, but she had lots of experience with many different disciplines. She had helped me get my coaching certificate, and was now expanding her business into the lower level dressage arena, so why not?  I needed some advice! A few lessons in however I realized it wasn't just me, and it wasn't just Cajun, and Coach M might not have any answers.  The lessons consisted of trying to 'fix' Cajun by "driving her into the contact" and telling me over and over again how bad Cajun was and how my riding wasn't good enough.  Ok, fair enough, I was just a 21 year old, which in dressage terms equals 'infant' but even I could tell this training tactic wasn't fixing anything.  Cajuns reactions got even more violent, at one point causing Coach M to yell "what the hell is wrong with her??".  That fall I made some huge changes.  Thanks to a massive shoulder injury I obtained cleaning the boarding barn I was teaching out of, I ended up losing my position there and all my students.  I was also asked to take my mare and go, and my list of students was handed over to, you guessed it, Coach M. I now had no income, a bum shoulder and no place to ride.

I ended up leasing a barn and arena not far from the previous place.  I moved Cajun, along with my other new horse and a few loyal clients, and started from scratch.  I was actually very happy, as I got to care and handle my Cajun girl all the time, and I felt like our relationship deepened.  She became happier, less spooky, and our training improved even more.  I studied classical authors and explored different methods trying them on Cajun. We spent an amazing winter together, and I knew come spring first level would be well within our abilities.  

 But my frustration hit its maximum the weekend of our first show that spring. The issues began in the warm up where she did her head tossing and run backwards, but this time also she bucked.  She was genuinely upset, and I did what I could to calm her.  Our name was called all to soon, and my heart sunk as instead of halting and saluting, we were flying around the ring backwards.  Defeated I excused myself, and lead her back to the barn.  After some thought I decided to shake it off and not get angry.  Cajun was upset and me getting frustrated wasn't going to help, it was only going to make communication harder.  My new plan? Just get her out and try and get her to relax.  I gave her an hour to relax and chill and then I took her out and led her around the show.  I put her away again and then took her out and lightly lunged her.  I repeated that the remainder of the first day and all morning the next.  By the time I needed to warm up she had been out and about seeing the sights so much she was bored.  And it WORKED!!  The second day of the show she was a super star, and we even got a ribbon! I was elated!

Coach M wasn't impressed.  She met me at my barn for a recap of the weekends adventure, and let me know what a let down I was.  She glared at me and said "You accomplished nothing at that show." Her sage advice?  Next time the mare even hinted at refusing to go forward I was to pull out my whip and beat her.  I am sure my mouth was hanging open as she spoke those words, but the last ones stunned me even more.  "You embarrassed me" she hissed.  I don't remember what happened after that, what she said, or when she left.  I felt like I had been slapped across the face.

I sat down and analyzed everything she had said, everything that had happened at the show.  And after much thought and many tears I came to an important conclusion.  I didn't care what she thought. I didn't care if I had embarrassed her.  This wasn't about her, it wasn't about me.  It was about that pretty red mare, that mare who had been through some shit and was trying to figure it all out.  My self esteem, my ego didn't matter.  What mattered was I loved that mare, and she was trying her heart out to grow and learn to trust me. She was truly joyful now, both to be around and to ride.  I was getting somewhere with her.  I needed to trust the process and myself.  I truly felt like Cajun was telling me what she needed and I needed to listen to her.

I stopped taking lessons with Coach M (MUCH criticism followed that move) and began to just work on myself.  I videoed myself and picked it apart.  I went to clinics, I read books and watched training DVDs.  And I continued to show Cajun all summer.  Our next show wasn't perfect, but by our third and fourth show we were on track.  She no longer hesitated going into the ring.  She was lovely and soft in the arena and she was the calm, relaxed horse in the warm up ring!  We won hi point at 3 shows in a row.  I was so proud of her!

I rode all the next winter with 2nd level in our sight.  She was like a new horse, my little rock star! She was my buddy, and I loved her more then I had let myself love a horse in a long time.  In early spring I attended a clinic where we did very well and got the thumbs up for trying out 2nd level.  The show was a few weeks away, but I was so excited to have fun with my girl all summer.  The Monday after the clinic I gave her the day off.  I put her rain sheet on, turned her out in her field and went for lunch.  I returned to the barn an hour and a half later to find her dead in the grass.

Cajun taught me an amazing lesson.  Listen to your horse.  Hear what they are trying to say.  Those silly spooks or resistant head tosses aren't them being jerks.  They are trying to say things to you in their language.  LISTEN!  If they know you are on their side, doing whats best for them, trying to make their lives better they will do ANYTHING for you. It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to know what is good training, what is bad, and what is harmful.  They bear the brunt of it.  I lost her, but I can look back on our time together with such joy because I know she was happy.  She taught me to listen. And because I listened, she gave me her soul.  Oh, I still miss her, I am crying as I type this.  But I honestly have no regrets!

Cajun winning Hi Point 1st Level.  She did that 3 shows in a row.