The Teachers. Teacher #1: Cajun, The Human Whisperer

This post has been a long time coming, and I feel the need to explain why.  I have sat down to write it several times, but each time I closed up my laptop with the excuse that I had things to do, and that the summer was to short to sit in front of a computer screen.  I'm partially right.  This summer has been very busy, as summers usually are, filled with lessons, horses to ride and fun outdoor things to do. But there are always those rainy, stormy days and why didn't I use those days to continue the story? Well, because this part of the story is the more emotional section and I didn't know if I could take it. As happy as many of my experiences with my horses have been, the sad times-far fewer though they may be- have been life altering.  Do I really want to reopen those wounds??

I guess I do!  I feel the need to suddenly, so whilst the spirit moves me I figured I should get my butt in gear.  So the next few posts will be spent introducing the different horses in my life and their impact on me.  I'm not bringing up every horse I have ever met or worked with.  That probably would take all summer and who has the time?  Instead I am going to share with you the big ones, the ones that I owned and shared my life with and how they changed me.  I will go in a somewhat chronological order, although obviously some things will be skipped over.  My biggest motivation to rehash this is I want to set the stage for the blog posts I want to write next.  I want to eventually delve into my current training, the set up of my training farm now, and my future goals.  But this foundation needs to be laid first, so lets get started with my first teacher.

Cajun (aka: Mesmerized) 

Cajun was a tb mare I bought in my early twenties.  I had been leasing a older horse that I rode and trained to use to get my coaching certificate thru Equine Canada.  That accomplished, his owner informed me she was moving away and taking him with her.  I was happy for him as it meant a life of retirement, but now horse-less I knew I needed to find another project.  I found Cajun at a nearby barn where she was being sold to cover unpaid boarding bills. She was 12, very pretty, but had been left sitting in the field for 2 years.  Before that I was told she had been a low level hunter, used occasionally in lessons, and was quiet.  Perfect! She fit the bill, as I could train and show her to help grow and advertise my newly found teaching business and I could use her in lessons as well. A win-win! The day I tried her out was cold and snowy and I had to walk her to the neighbouring indoor arena.  She was a little jumpy and pushy, but hey, I thought, 2 years of doing nothing will do that to a girl. She was fairly steady under saddle despite the arena being dark and creaky, and the seller was willing to budge on the asking price (she had bills to pay!) so I went ahead and bought her.

It is always true that the worms really do come out after the rain.  The day I led Cajun into the barn I was working out of several boarders greeted me with "Ohhhh... You bought THAT Cajun..."  and sad little smiles.  The stories then came fast and hot. She was a terrible hunter, had taken to stopping (oh the horror!!).  Used in lessons?? HA! Not that spooky mess, she was a CHESTNUT mare for heavens sake.  I gulped and looked over at me new life partner with a bit less optimism.

It turned out they were mostly right.  Cajun was quirky.  She pulled back the SECOND you tied her up.  She spooked at everything.  Good luck getting her into a trailer! Even the sight of a jump in the arena made her toss her head and refuse to walk towards it.  The first month of my training her was all ground work.  I did manage to improve the tying situation, and she even began loading without a fight.  But man, she was spooky, even on the lunge! Anything would set her off, and even after you got her past something she may decide, 3 calmly executed circles later, that it was indeed trying to kill her again.  Under saddle her improvements where slow but steady.  She was a lovely mover with lots of energy, but touch the reins or ask her to bend? No thanks!  She threw her head up, and flung herself sideways. As I got better at anticipating the sideways action, she choose to go backwards, swinging her head side to side. I read books and magazines and watched videos and came to realize Cajun had issues with contact (from her past?) that affected her whole body.  I kept working at it, both on the ground and doing gentle exercises under saddle.  We improved enough to go to our first show that fall and ride a training level test.  Cajun held it together, and did pretty good, scoring in the low 60's and even getting a ribbon.  I was happy but I knew we needed to keep progressing to get past her issues.

Worrying that my youth, unsteadiness and inexperience was causing or encouraging the problems I decided to take some lessons with an instructor (I will call her Coach M) I had known since my early teens.  She wasn't a dressage coach per se, but she had lots of experience with many different disciplines. She had helped me get my coaching certificate, and was now expanding her business into the lower level dressage arena, so why not?  I needed some advice! A few lessons in however I realized it wasn't just me, and it wasn't just Cajun, and Coach M might not have any answers.  The lessons consisted of trying to 'fix' Cajun by "driving her into the contact" and telling me over and over again how bad Cajun was and how my riding wasn't good enough.  Ok, fair enough, I was just a 21 year old, which in dressage terms equals 'infant' but even I could tell this training tactic wasn't fixing anything.  Cajuns reactions got even more violent, at one point causing Coach M to yell "what the hell is wrong with her??".  That fall I made some huge changes.  Thanks to a massive shoulder injury I obtained cleaning the boarding barn I was teaching out of, I ended up losing my position there and all my students.  I was also asked to take my mare and go, and my list of students was handed over to, you guessed it, Coach M. I now had no income, a bum shoulder and no place to ride.

I ended up leasing a barn and arena not far from the previous place.  I moved Cajun, along with my other new horse and a few loyal clients, and started from scratch.  I was actually very happy, as I got to care and handle my Cajun girl all the time, and I felt like our relationship deepened.  She became happier, less spooky, and our training improved even more.  I studied classical authors and explored different methods trying them on Cajun. We spent an amazing winter together, and I knew come spring first level would be well within our abilities.  

 But my frustration hit its maximum the weekend of our first show that spring. The issues began in the warm up where she did her head tossing and run backwards, but this time also she bucked.  She was genuinely upset, and I did what I could to calm her.  Our name was called all to soon, and my heart sunk as instead of halting and saluting, we were flying around the ring backwards.  Defeated I excused myself, and lead her back to the barn.  After some thought I decided to shake it off and not get angry.  Cajun was upset and me getting frustrated wasn't going to help, it was only going to make communication harder.  My new plan? Just get her out and try and get her to relax.  I gave her an hour to relax and chill and then I took her out and led her around the show.  I put her away again and then took her out and lightly lunged her.  I repeated that the remainder of the first day and all morning the next.  By the time I needed to warm up she had been out and about seeing the sights so much she was bored.  And it WORKED!!  The second day of the show she was a super star, and we even got a ribbon! I was elated!

Coach M wasn't impressed.  She met me at my barn for a recap of the weekends adventure, and let me know what a let down I was.  She glared at me and said "You accomplished nothing at that show." Her sage advice?  Next time the mare even hinted at refusing to go forward I was to pull out my whip and beat her.  I am sure my mouth was hanging open as she spoke those words, but the last ones stunned me even more.  "You embarrassed me" she hissed.  I don't remember what happened after that, what she said, or when she left.  I felt like I had been slapped across the face.

I sat down and analyzed everything she had said, everything that had happened at the show.  And after much thought and many tears I came to an important conclusion.  I didn't care what she thought. I didn't care if I had embarrassed her.  This wasn't about her, it wasn't about me.  It was about that pretty red mare, that mare who had been through some shit and was trying to figure it all out.  My self esteem, my ego didn't matter.  What mattered was I loved that mare, and she was trying her heart out to grow and learn to trust me. She was truly joyful now, both to be around and to ride.  I was getting somewhere with her.  I needed to trust the process and myself.  I truly felt like Cajun was telling me what she needed and I needed to listen to her.

I stopped taking lessons with Coach M (MUCH criticism followed that move) and began to just work on myself.  I videoed myself and picked it apart.  I went to clinics, I read books and watched training DVDs.  And I continued to show Cajun all summer.  Our next show wasn't perfect, but by our third and fourth show we were on track.  She no longer hesitated going into the ring.  She was lovely and soft in the arena and she was the calm, relaxed horse in the warm up ring!  We won hi point at 3 shows in a row.  I was so proud of her!

I rode all the next winter with 2nd level in our sight.  She was like a new horse, my little rock star! She was my buddy, and I loved her more then I had let myself love a horse in a long time.  In early spring I attended a clinic where we did very well and got the thumbs up for trying out 2nd level.  The show was a few weeks away, but I was so excited to have fun with my girl all summer.  The Monday after the clinic I gave her the day off.  I put her rain sheet on, turned her out in her field and went for lunch.  I returned to the barn an hour and a half later to find her dead in the grass.

Cajun taught me an amazing lesson.  Listen to your horse.  Hear what they are trying to say.  Those silly spooks or resistant head tosses aren't them being jerks.  They are trying to say things to you in their language.  LISTEN!  If they know you are on their side, doing whats best for them, trying to make their lives better they will do ANYTHING for you. It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to know what is good training, what is bad, and what is harmful.  They bear the brunt of it.  I lost her, but I can look back on our time together with such joy because I know she was happy.  She taught me to listen. And because I listened, she gave me her soul.  Oh, I still miss her, I am crying as I type this.  But I honestly have no regrets!

Cajun winning Hi Point 1st Level.  She did that 3 shows in a row.